Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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