I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
