Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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