Ambien. No doubt about it.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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