I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize