Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
