all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm bleeding and have questions
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
