i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
