Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
