I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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