First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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