I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
