Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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