You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
