i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
When are your genitals available?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
