I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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