Have you finally orgasmed yet?
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
