i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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