She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
