The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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