I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
