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i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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