He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
