Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
