I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
