ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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