Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
