Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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