literally had 100 drinks last night.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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