Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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