my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
we're making bets on your personal life
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
