This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
