He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
