I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
