the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
