you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
