I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
