once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
