it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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