we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
