i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Let's get the cat blown out
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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