My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
