Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
