I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He did a backflip because drugs
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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