i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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