You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
