John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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