Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
