his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
