I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
