You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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