have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize