I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
