i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
