It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
me + whiskey = a bad person
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize