i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
