I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
