I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize