I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
