You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
