if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
