Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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