Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
