i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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