i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
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