So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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